Grief has layers like an onion and quite frankly some stink more than others.   Death and life are all around me each vying for my attention.

Recently a friend has suffered the death of her husband.  He was my friend too, but I was not as close with him.  Beloved in his community , touching the lives of so many, he is going to be sorely missed.   The death was sudden and unexpected and I have to say I can’t identify with her loss except for the abrupt nature of the loss.   I have not lost a spouse.

My son life touched lives.  He is remembered, but humans are only able to remember so much for so long.  Those of us who now have grief as a member of our household can’t escape its presence.   Those who remember our loved ones do so intermittently and we learn to pardon them because if we could choose we might let more go ourselves.

The layer of the onion I have worked my way into is that of recognizing my friends grief and being powerless.  My advice for her is only my own findings. I am willing to  help, I only have advice about coping skills that might help , but maybe not.  I can’t change her situation any more than I can mine.   That is the problem.

Her husband was relatively young as is she.   They had no children.   She is a cheerful upbeat person – so people will expect a lot from her.  I hope she learns quickly that there is only so long you can wear the mask.   You folks who house grief know what I am talking about and I know you know  how exhausting it is to wear that “I’m alright” mask.

The Christian world is turning towards Advent and welcoming again the birth of a child who came to bring peace and the seal of salvation.   God allows death.He did not forbid it for the one He called His own son.   I struggle every year.  No I take that back, I struggle every day with the things I hear said by people who say they believe in this god.

I don’t think men have gotten much right about Him.   So if He is indeed willing to forgive me then I assume He forgives others for the crazy things they say and attribute to Him.    My son died.  My friend’s husband died and I don’t understand.   Every human’s passing scratches at the scar tissue and the scabs that still exist on my heart.  I don’t know why good people have to die.

I don’t believe it was my son’s time or my friend’s husbands time.  I do believe that accidents happen and that our fragile genetics predispose us to all sorts of ailments that can, in the right situation cause fatal problems.     That at least explains my son’s death and my friend’s husband’s death.   Could God have created a world without death?  We are told he has that waiting for us after our earthly bodies death.  I hope this is true.  I really do.  But sometimes it is hard to wrap my mind around because larger for me is the fact  I really miss my son and I know my friend will always miss her husband.

It is that time a year again.  It feels like we were just talking about all this just yesterday.  Actually I think we were.