I am working on myself. It is something I have done in fits and starts, but for some reason as I approach a significant birthday something has shifted. It feels tectonic.
I have thought about what your reaction to the current political and world situation would be if you were here to voice your opinion. I wish you could voice it without having to experience what we are witnessing.
The world I envisioned for you and your sister was one that would be a better, more hopeful place -but it is not and seems to be becoming more malignant by the day. The damage we have done to the environment – things I have been responsible and complicit to as an inhabitant of this planet shame me. The extinction of the animals that we have caused, the island of plastic as big as a small nation floating in the Pacific, the melting of glacial ice at an alarming rate, the erratic and dangerous weather patterns are only part of the crisis.
Our governments are being led by men who are tyrants “whose god is their belly”. Their appetite for money and power is insatiable.
We are in many ways already the storyline for an apocalyptic novel, except it is the world and it is happening now. The violence, hatred, misogyny, prejudice, lack of humanity and objectification that is exemplified by our own leadership and the leadership of other nations is heartbreaking along with the horrific damage that is being done.
But I refuse to give up. I refuse to give up because of your sister and other young people who still have a life to live. I refuse to give up because I never ever saw you give up. Never. It is difficult to admit because it seems like a trite and hollow truism but the fact is. the reason you are no longer here. is because you died trying.
You died trying.
With whatever I have left – when it is over, I will have died trying. I will speak up to anyone who will listen. I will advocate. I will engage.
I apologize to you and your sister for the damage I have done to this world. I appreciate your ability to enjoy as long as you did.
I miss you every day. I can’t begin to put the weight on that statement that it deserves. I honor your contribution to my life.
I am for as long as I last