Category Archives: Friends

The season

Posted on December 20, 2011 by pathfinder

December 19th -It has been one of those weekends where I have been aware of my thoughts much like when you become aware of the ticking of a clock and would like for it to be quiet.  I wished for … Continue reading →

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An unexpected gift

Posted on December 17, 2011 by pathfinder

A friend of mine and fellow artist showed me one of her paintings that will be featured in a show this Spring.  The vantage point was from above looking down on a street somewhere in Europe.  The street arches away … Continue reading →

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a fable

Posted on December 16, 2011 by pathfinder

I am so tired of being sad.  I am annoyed by feelings of guilt when I am not sad.  I think I startle others when I laugh and joke, I am past startling myself.  There is a form of punishment … Continue reading →

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In All Things . . .

Posted on December 9, 2011 by pathfinder

I would rather have the pain of missing my son in my life, than to never have had him at all.  My life would not be what it is were it not for my children. They humble me with their … Continue reading →

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In the moment

Posted on December 7, 2011 by pathfinder

I’ve only had one panic attack that I know of or can remember vividly.  It happened less than a week after my son died.  I had gone to the kitchen, my husband, daughter and sister were in the den.  I … Continue reading →

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Dear Son,

Posted on December 5, 2011 by pathfinder

I can’t find the right words to describe this process.  Sometimes it is like being in a vehicle going 150 mph, the world seems to be flashing past and I can’t focus on it anymore.  I wake up and it … Continue reading →

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A little hike

Posted on December 3, 2011 by pathfinder

Went on a little hike today, up where we have hiked a lot, at the end of our road. I have hiked it with my husband, and with some other friends.  I have hiked it with my daughter and my … Continue reading →

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December 2, 2011

Posted on December 2, 2011 by pathfinder

I have gone blank this morning.  It is December the 2nd.  Officially five months. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I did not end up in tears until the end of the day, in bed.  It is like I cannot go to … Continue reading →

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An open letter

Posted on November 30, 2011 by pathfinder

Dear Son, I watched a video clip of you last night that you sister had taken in 2007.  You were laughing and rubbing your head, messing up your hair as you so often did.  Your dog came and sweetly attacked … Continue reading →

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If

Posted on November 29, 2011 by pathfinder

If can be a conjunction or a noun.  I really don’t want it to have any more space or time in my vocabulary for now.   Not that avoiding it changes anything, but a lot of my intrusive thoughts start … Continue reading →

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