Tag Archives: death of a child

In the moment

Posted on December 7, 2011 by pathfinder

I’ve only had one panic attack that I know of or can remember vividly.  It happened less than a week after my son died.  I had gone to the kitchen, my husband, daughter and sister were in the den.  I … Continue reading →

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Life among the living

Posted on December 6, 2011 by pathfinder

Gray the day wet with rain fog wrapped and dripping a heavy hand. The process to be worked the step by step by step the small pool of light right there at your feet all that  can be seen. Misunderstood … Continue reading →

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Dear Son,

Posted on December 5, 2011 by pathfinder

I can’t find the right words to describe this process.  Sometimes it is like being in a vehicle going 150 mph, the world seems to be flashing past and I can’t focus on it anymore.  I wake up and it … Continue reading →

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A little hike

Posted on December 3, 2011 by pathfinder

Went on a little hike today, up where we have hiked a lot, at the end of our road. I have hiked it with my husband, and with some other friends.  I have hiked it with my daughter and my … Continue reading →

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December 2, 2011

Posted on December 2, 2011 by pathfinder

I have gone blank this morning.  It is December the 2nd.  Officially five months. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I did not end up in tears until the end of the day, in bed.  It is like I cannot go to … Continue reading →

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Through the magnifying glass

Posted on December 1, 2011 by pathfinder

My sister is officially retired.  She has worked all of her adult life.  She is one of those focused people who methodically go about a task and gets it done, checking it off her list.  I am married to one … Continue reading →

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An open letter

Posted on November 30, 2011 by pathfinder

Dear Son, I watched a video clip of you last night that you sister had taken in 2007.  You were laughing and rubbing your head, messing up your hair as you so often did.  Your dog came and sweetly attacked … Continue reading →

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If

Posted on November 29, 2011 by pathfinder

If can be a conjunction or a noun.  I really don’t want it to have any more space or time in my vocabulary for now.   Not that avoiding it changes anything, but a lot of my intrusive thoughts start … Continue reading →

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Holiday

Posted on November 27, 2011 by pathfinder

The Thanksgiving Holiday is over and Christmas is being shoved in our faces, full force.   Our daughter set up the Christmas tree, a tradition that usually happens on Thanksgiving Day, this time two days late.  She and I went … Continue reading →

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Simple Gifts.

Posted on November 23, 2011 by pathfinder

Simple gifts, I have received a grateful heart, a desire to believe, in the Spirit of God, in the spirit of man, in the hope of peace from a proffered hand.   Love from a husband. Love from a child. … Continue reading →

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